folken_forever (folken_forever) wrote,
folken_forever
folken_forever

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feeling used... what's new... oi

life sucks... once again, i have been bashed in the head with such an evil realization
it seems like i am quarentined in my apartment...
and even my sister, just visits me... and that is it.
yeah, visits, she stays, talks to me, though i can tell that she doesn't want to, because i'm so fucking boring... and then leaves, off to her boyfriend's apartment, and like there is really that much to do there!... i would like for once again to cook dinner not just for myself... i would like again to just sit for more than five or ten minutes, and talk to someone... i would like for someone to come over to my apartment and visit me, than me having to go over and seemingly bother another...
why...
i don't know...
just the common rantings of one that is depressed... one that has fucking nothing going on in their life... one that sees the dark and troublesome future that is all that is available...
yeah, i have come to terms with myself... of course i would love to go and get a bachelors... but i can't!
my life won't allow it...
i have to stay in this shit hole... alone... with nothing!
i may have just bought some lovely graphic novels, or a new cd... but really... i have nothing...
if i were to die, all there would be to anyone who chose to venture through my belongings, would be some messed-up drawings and crap on my computer...
i have not achieved anything...

wow... feels good, well... more like relieved... to get truth off one's chest.
the truth hurts... and it has killed me more than once.

well, i have started again with go on the internet... but the past few nights, Lilltiger-sensei has not been on... oi
there is no one to teach me on there anymore... oi
but, another realization, that it is just a waste of time, why the hell am i doing this for, i will achieve nothing through this... wow... does this feel good...
HELL NO!
why would it... why would bashing oneself feel good
because... it is like another me talking to me... someone talking to me... at least someone but myself!
like... one thinks about something... but before that thought pops into their head, that thought was already there... i have tried to explain this process before... but no one understands...
and for those that are alone, with no one but themself... a negative side is often company...
company that never seems to leave, even if you want it to...
the closest... feeling... is your possitve, negative, and ignorant/innocent side... that what makes one up, those three ingredients...

enough with the deep thoughts...
life sucks...
i just summed all that up... with two simple words...
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