folken_forever (folken_forever) wrote,
folken_forever
folken_forever

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Why... again

i know i complain a lot...
i need to though, because i try not to in front of people...
so i'm the only one that can take my own venting

"what do you want?"...
that's what he said to me...
i was dropping off some of connie's mail...
i'm starting to quiver with anticipation, as the date of their leave grows near...

i stopped by earlier, to their apartment, because everyone has taken noticement of connies starvation...
she doesn't call it that... but it is that...
most definitelly
and argueing came about... and now they hate me again
i guess this is a true good bye...
as she may not come back from hong kong...
at least definitelly not as the person that i once knew...
i guess she doesn't care about me anymore...
that is most definitelly

i try and do something good... something i thought they would at least like that i cared about...
but they just yelled back...
and know that i am just jealous of the life she now has...
i'm so fucking depressed...
fat
lonely
...

i don't even know anymore...
fred and i went over to pat's after the mall...
and all she could do was ask me about connie...
even though she hasn't seen me in a while too... and i'm the one that's graduating... she can only think of putting me down... telling me that in her motherly words that i'm not going to make it... that bitch...
maybe it was the pills that she is taking because of the pain for her back sergury... but still...

no one ever cares to really think about their words... how they effect me...

shallow...

i've gained a lot of weight... and i can't stop eating...
that's my way to releive the tension i guess... food
high fat greasy food
right now, that's the only way i'm at my senses somewhat, is because i ate something...

i hope kim's graduation party is soon, i need a release of tension, besides food... she will have alcohol... i will get drunk... because it doesn't take a lot to get me drunk... good

bye bye for now
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