folken_forever (folken_forever) wrote,
folken_forever
folken_forever

I don't know anymore

i guess i would like some proof... because of Nellie, i feel that i'm a terrible person, that only is full of malice to hurt others... i don't understand...
and connie and chrono don't stand up against her, they just passify her, agreeing with her, so she thinks they are on her side... and then connie tells me she is on my side... but how do i truly know... she could just be passifying me... and then she really is on Nellie's side...

i would like some proof... as to why am i still alive...
i really hate myself... i hate my life...
the only reason why i am here is for my family and kim...
and if i were to disapear or die... they would greive for a little while... and then life would be like back to normal again...

i'm in another depression, and this time, no super long anime series to watch for 8 hours straight...
i wish i worked more often, then i feel that i at least have some place... i'm a no name worker that is there to serve others... what kinda fucking life is that...

i stick up for my family, but when it comes to depressions, they never stick up for me... i would just like connie or chrono to tell Nellie that they truly hate her... i don't see how one would like her...
but that is probably why they don't say that to her... because they don't hate her...
plenty of times have they said to me... that they hate me...

no one cares about my feelings anymore
no one cares how such things affect me...
maybe i am a little messed up in the head...
but i feel this is common knowledge... and no one takes into consideration their actions enough and how they affect those near them.

i just wish now that someone would read this finally... so that they truly understood how i feel... i could never talk to Nellie about this... she would think i'm disrespecting her or something and just yell at me... no one can just talk anymore...

i hate this world...
i wanna die
i don't see a reason as to why i am here anymore...
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Anonymous

July 26 2005, 06:02:11 UTC 12 years ago

just kick her out... physically... she's a friggin twig so it shouldn't be too hard hahaha! or... do the cop thing like what you said... either way would be good though

p.s.-this is connie... in case you didn't know
Hey honey. It's Melanie! Thank you for finally sharing your lj user name with me! It means a lot. Now you gotta friend me (wcm)! And hey. Don't worry about what I'm gonna think about you in terms of what you write in here. This is your space to express yourself and your feelings and I respect that - in fact, I don't think less of you at all or anything, if that's what you were worried about. On top of that, I feel flattered that you're letting me into your world like this. I hope, at the very least, you always feel you can talk to me about your problems.

I think the only time I was every truly depressed was the begining of this year. When I got rid of what was making me feel so down, I felt so much better... But I guess it's not so easy with some people. I guess what I'm trying to say is that I care about your feelings - that's why I'm here and why I kept asking for your user name. I'm your friend, Flo. I would be upset if something ever happened to you. That's the Goddess' honest truth. *hugs* Stay strong, babe. You've got Habby, J and myself. We're your family in Utica. :)

It's me, J

Anonymous

July 27 2005, 19:41:37 UTC 11 years ago

Hey Flo, Mel is right. You can always count on us to be there if you need someone to talk to. Don't worry, I am sure you will be able to get rid of "her" (she doesn't deserve to be called by her name because she is so much less than human the way she is behaving) as soon as you can. And, like you were telling me, if she doesn't go peacefully, call the security or cops or something and I am sure they will escort her out. Besides, I think you can get her in trouble for noise pollution at such a late hour (not sure though). I hope for the best for you and NEVER lose faith or give up hope. We are here for you. God bless. *hugs* Your friend J
PS. Try and get some rest whenever you can, I know how difficult it is, but you really need it.
Oops. Sorry. I forgot to sign in...heehee ^^;
BTW - I tried to visit you today! I got out of class early and thought I might as well go say hi but you weren't home! :'( Ah well. Maybe next time. :)