folken_forever (folken_forever) wrote,
folken_forever
folken_forever

I don't know anymore

i guess i would like some proof... because of Nellie, i feel that i'm a terrible person, that only is full of malice to hurt others... i don't understand...
and connie and chrono don't stand up against her, they just passify her, agreeing with her, so she thinks they are on her side... and then connie tells me she is on my side... but how do i truly know... she could just be passifying me... and then she really is on Nellie's side...

i would like some proof... as to why am i still alive...
i really hate myself... i hate my life...
the only reason why i am here is for my family and kim...
and if i were to disapear or die... they would greive for a little while... and then life would be like back to normal again...

i'm in another depression, and this time, no super long anime series to watch for 8 hours straight...
i wish i worked more often, then i feel that i at least have some place... i'm a no name worker that is there to serve others... what kinda fucking life is that...

i stick up for my family, but when it comes to depressions, they never stick up for me... i would just like connie or chrono to tell Nellie that they truly hate her... i don't see how one would like her...
but that is probably why they don't say that to her... because they don't hate her...
plenty of times have they said to me... that they hate me...

no one cares about my feelings anymore
no one cares how such things affect me...
maybe i am a little messed up in the head...
but i feel this is common knowledge... and no one takes into consideration their actions enough and how they affect those near them.

i just wish now that someone would read this finally... so that they truly understood how i feel... i could never talk to Nellie about this... she would think i'm disrespecting her or something and just yell at me... no one can just talk anymore...

i hate this world...
i wanna die
i don't see a reason as to why i am here anymore...
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